If I Lose Myself
by aquacyrus
Summary: Re-written from season 2 finale.
1. Don't Wait Up For Me

**HEYYY AGAIN. I know its probably not the best idea to upload another story while i barely got into my first one. But I just got this rlly great idea that i really wanted to write.**

**so here it is!**

_**March 16th , 2008**_

"_NBA Bad Boy , Nathan Scott's new It Girl , Melissa Young."_

Haley James sighed as she read the bright bold yellow letters. Her eyes dropped down to the picture right below it.

He had his arm around her waist as she practically clung to him. Pressing her boobs against his chest as hard as she possibly could , her back turned to the camera , she looked over her shoulder with a wide smile that matched the on one his face.

They might as well been smirking at her. She wouldn't be surprised if they were. She looked back up at the headlines and tried not to be bothered. It stung though. It always did. Every freakin' time she read it , it tore at her heart. The same headlines on the cover of yet another magazine. She didn't know why she was still surprised. She'd seen enough pictures of Nathan and random bimbos in the last four years and yet , she still couldn't get used to fact that every morning she'd wake up to him and his new whore on the front page of every gossip magazine.

Whatever. She was getting there. Maybe another 4 years and she'd finally learn to shrug it off. Ripping off the cover , she tossed it into the burning fireplace. She placed the rest of the book on her bedside table and climbed into her bed. Haley laid back and pulled the covers over , hugging them close to her chest. She turned to her side , blinking back tears and tried not to let her mind wander back.

Back to when her world was one block wide.

Back to when her life made sense.

Back to when love was all that mattered.

...When she felt whole. Like she had all she needed. When trust was more than just a mere lie or excuse.

She felt the tears escape from the corners of her eyes. She held them back to the point where the water blinded her vision and now she just couldn't anymore.

And every night ended just like the one before.

Tired , broken and lost.

Sleeping off all the thoughts of her ex-husband that consumed her mind.

-X-

**Vague first chapter?**

**well it's short , yes.**

**but I just needed the emotions to play out here.**

**Let's not miss the part where she says 'EX HUSBAND'**

**wonder how that happened?**

**more to be revealed and longer chapters ahead =)**

**Its more of a me re-writing the season 2 finale and the story takes it own toll from there.**

**Please review =D**

**thank you.**


	2. I'm Coming Home

**HI GUYS. Yes late update. But I have great plans for this story and I will update more frequently depending on how many people read and review. **

**Disclaimer** nope. Do not own one tree hill.

Haley woke up to the shrill sound of her phone ringing. She figured it was her agent calling for the 3rd time that morning and groaned.

"Noooooo." She wailed and buried her head under the pillow. Her hand poked out from the blanket , feeling all over the bedside table for her phone. Huffing when she finally grabbed it , she dragged her head out and blew strands of hair out of her face as she tried to see who it was. Her eyes widened at the caller ID and she immediately scrambled to sit up straight.

"Hello?" She breathed into the mouth piece , her fingers brushing stray strands of brown out of her face.

"Hey Rockstar." She could hear the smile in his voice and couldn't help one of her own forming on her face.

"Lucas Eugene Scott!" She gasped. She heard him chuckle on the other end. "Nice to see that you still remember my name." He said. He was smirking. She knew it.

"All three of them." She smiled. She paused before speaking again , "Luke! I'm so glad you called!"

"Yeah , I wanted you to be the first to know."

"Oh great , and here I was thinking you actually called me just cuz you wanted to talk to me."

"That too Hales , but this...this is big."

She huffed.

"Alright , what is it?" She asked chewing on her bottom lip.

"Luke and I are getting MARRIED!" She heard another voice scream through the phone.

"Peyton!" She exclaimed. "Hi Hales!" Peyton spoke. "How are-Oh woah wait WHAT?" That's when Peyton's words played over in her head. Her jaw dropped when she heard giggling.

"Omygod! Thats...that's amazing you guys!"

"Isn't it? Eugene here , finally had the balls to pop the question."Peyton teased , a smile evident in her tone. Lucas rolled his eyes and playfully pushed Peyton's head away before grabbing the phone back. He heard Haley's laughter as he brought it back against his ear.

"But how ...whatever happened to Lindsey?" Haley asked. The last time her and Lucas had any sort of contact with each other , he was about to propose to his girlfriend slash editor. Well , clearly , former girlfriend now.

"Well...she read my second book , claimed that it was all about Peyton , and bailed on me after getting engaged." Lucas explained.

Haley's eyes widened but she couldn't help a slight chuckle that escaped from her hips. "And I couldn't help but think you cheated on her with Peyton."

"Yeah...that happened too." She gasped. She honestly wasn't surprised. She knew him all too well , she knew them both all too well. After everything that happened with him , Peyton and Brooke in high school ,she was pretty much ready to carve Luke's and Peyton's initials in stone. That's the way it's always been. Lucas and Peyton.

"So...when's the wedding?" She asked.

"Next month. The 3rd maybe. Still tentative." He told her.

"Ohh that's-"

"Which means , you need to fly your hot piece of ass down here as soon as possible!" Peyton said , cutting her off.

Haley opened her mouth to speak but Peyton's voice cut her off once again. "Why , you ask? Because , I would like you , Haley James , to be one of my bridesmaids."

"Oh Peyton! I'd be glad to!" Haley paused and said , "So I'm just assuming that Brooke is the other bridesmaid?"

"Only by default. And she's flying in from New York tomorrow."

"She wants to be there for the wedding planning doesn't she?"

"Mhmm , and I want you to be here too!"

Haley bit her lip and pondered for a bit. She had no tours , or concerts coming up for the next two months. Well she'd need new songs, which she didn't have, if she wanted to tour. Lately Haley's lack of inspiration was starting to hit a new low. Writing songs suddenly went from the easiest thing to do to almost impossible. Well writing good songs atleast. She could be sued for the amount of crumpled paper she fed her fireplace every evening. And her label's constant nagging for her next-but-not-yet-in-existence album only made it harder to write. When Haley didn't say anything , Peyton sighed. She frowned and handed the phone over to Lucas.

"Hales..." He said softly.

"I don't know Luke ,"

"Come on Haley , it's my wedding!" He pressed. It was his wedding. His big day. "Alright fine." She said , defeated. She heard a squeal , followed by a clap.

"So I'll see you by Friday?" It sounded more like a statement then a question. "Yes , you will."

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"you WHAT?"

"It's just for 3 weeks Marc! I'll be back before you know it!" Haley said , desperately trying to get him to calm down.

"Oh no. This , this , is nope. Not a smart decision." Marc's right hand came up to dramatically fan his face as he plopped down on her couch. She sat down beside him and chewed on her bottom lip.

"Ok , Haley , look. I know you want to be there for your friend's wedding. But I also know that YOU don't want to piss off the record label. They'll start looking somewhere else for what they wont get from you! You're career could end just as soon as it started." He said , rather calmly.

"I know that Marc ...I just...I can't do it." She said.

"Please. You're Haley James. It's what you do best."

Haley sighed and stared at her feet. She was Haley James. There was a time in her life , not too long ago , when being Haley James was no big deal. It was ordinary. But the thing is , she never minded being ordinary.

"Alright fine." Marc spoke after a long stretch of silence. "Maybe you could use a little break eh? Clear that pretty little head of yours?"

Haley looked up and smiled at the elder man , genuinely thankful that he understood.

"And a girl can only work so hard." He said , patting her shoulder.

"Marc-" She started but Marc pressed his index against her lips to keep her from talking.

"I was not finished." He said dropping his finger. "Haley James , your quite odd you know? Most people usually have the struggling artist phase before they hit that kind of success." He told her , running a hand over his bald head. Haley couldn't help but smile at that.

"But that's ok. Now as your agent , I will take care of the label , hold them off for a little bit , give em a little something that they can pine over for the next 3 weeks." He winked.

"But don't you slack off on your work Miss James. Why not try a little hometown therapy for that inspiration block eh? Might do you some good." Marc stood up and straightened his suit before flashing Haley a wide smile.

Haley blinked a couple of times before jumping up and pulling him down for a tight hug. Was he the best or what?

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She squealed and pulled away to look at him.

"For being the most wonderful agent or for allowing you to run off to Tree Hill?" He asked , wiggling his thin brows.

Haley looked at him for a moment , a small smile forming on her face.

"For having my back." She said softly. And she meant it. He got her out of every stupid thing she threw herself into. Marc simply patted her cheek , with a corner of his mouth turned upwards.

"Now" He said grabbing her shoulders.

"How heartbroken should I be that your best friend is getting married?"

"Marc!" Haley scolded , hitting his chest playfully.

"What? He's Hot!"

"Oh god!" Haley groaned.

She did not need to hear her agent tell her how hot he found her best friend , especially since they were both guys. She tried to picture Lucas's face if he had heard him say that.

"Ok ok." Marc laughed. "I'll keep my dirty thoughts about your hot best friend to myself. How's that?"

"Not so good since you just kinda indirectly told me you have dirty thoughts about my best friend." She said , shaking her head

"Who , by the way , is getting married! Let's not forget that." She added quickly earning another laugh from Marc.

"Anywho...I am just dying to know. Is Nathan Scott going to be there?" He asked.

Haley froze at the mention of his name. Her mind went blank. She mentally slapped herself for letting that slip her brain. Of course he was gonna be there! Even though Nathan's track record with wedding's wasn't the most impressive. It was his own half-brother's wedding. She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She racked her brain trying to come up with any possible way by which she could go through this entire ceremony and not acknowledge his presence. She took a deep breath. Suddenly , hometown therapy didn't sound so good anymore.

**Well there it is! More back story to be revealed in the future chapters :)  
>For those of you who haven't figured it out yet MARC IS GAY. You know HOMOSEXUAL.<br>So hope you guys liked it! Please do review , follow and favourite! I would love to know that you guys liked it enough for me to continue posting!  
>Please and thank you :)<strong>


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